Monday, October 1, 2012

the coolest girl on the block

Reasons Why It's, Like, Totally Cool to Have Kaitlyn Lindley as Your Best Friend:
1. She's super duper pretty.
2. She wears, like, rad clothes that make everyone insanely jealous.
3. She can sing "Come Thou Fount" without opening her mouth.
4. She's cool, so people assume that you are, too.
5. She chews quietly.
6. She gets a 50% discount at Gap so if you ever want to go get, say, really soft underwear, you're in luck.
7. She can make rainbow cupcakes.
8. And rainbow pancakes.
9. She is the smartest of all people and she is all-knowing about Boys and the Whole Wide Universe and also 1984 by George Orwell.
10. Sometimes you can sleep on her trampoline and it's fun and you talk about Boys and the Whole Wide Universe and also 1984 by George Orwell.
11. She makes up cool songs.
12. She draws the best monsters/unicorns/kitties out of everyone I know and that's saying something because my dad draws monsters/unicorns/kitties for a living.
13. She's going to be an Illustration major (MARK MY WORDS).
14. She has REALLY NICE collarbones.
15. She makes fart noises a lot, and that's funny, obviously.
16. She can talk to little kids like they're real Human Beings instead of Aliens From Mars which is hard.
17. She tells funny jokes.
18. She forgives you for being a snarky, cynical, judgmental, misanthropic,pessimistic people-hater and reminds you very nicely to "Stop hating everyone in the entire world, please" and even when you don't and you still act like a hormonal sociopath, she is still your friend.
19*. She forgives you when you forget it's her birthday at first even though you talked about it LAST NIGHT and you're CLEARLY A RAVING IDIOT and you ramble on about environmental biology all the way to class and don't even remember until she not-so-subtly reminds you, so.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAITLYN, I LOVE YOU.

Cons of Having Kaitlyn Lindley As Your Best Friend:
1. Everybody thinks you're a total lame-o wiener loserhead compared to her.
2. She's sort of stingy about giving you gum.

*There are 19 reasons and Kaitlyn is 19-years-old today. I planned it. See? I am a real blogger.

You are the Grimes of my heart.
-Avery Jalaine


"Eve," you say, "I bet no one has ever loved you more than me in the entire history of the world." 

You mean this as a compliment.

And the irony does not escape me.

I Googled you today. Because I suck.
-Avery Jalaine