How to Write a Love Poem:
1. Get a pen out: black ink.
2. Next, paper. Lined or unlined, it had better be paper. Stop typing it on your laptop. And stop blogging it, please, you're murdering your lover. (I've murdered many lovers. Please refer to my whole entire blog.)
3. Title the love poem: "Love Poem".
4. Carve your heart out of your chest with a dull butter knife; yes, yes, just like that: you're used to the sting by now, aren't you? You're writing a love poem, after all. There now, tape it right on the page. You're doing great.
5. Use the word "heart" exactly 16 times.
6. Rhyme the word "love" with "gift from above".
7. If you use the word "kinky" ever, it's probably not the right kind of love poem.
8. Spritz it with your headiest perfume.
9. Vow to never let anyone read it, ever, never ever.
10. Send it to your lover.
Happy St. Elmo's Fire.