Tuesday, February 14, 2012

how to write a love poem

How to Write a Love Poem:

1. Get a pen out: black ink.
2. Next, paper. Lined or unlined, it had better be paper. Stop typing it on your laptop. And stop blogging it, please, you're murdering your lover. (I've murdered many lovers. Please refer to my whole entire blog.)
3. Title the love poem: "Love Poem".
4. Carve your heart out of your chest with a dull butter knife; yes, yes, just like that: you're used to the sting by now, aren't you? You're writing a love poem, after all. There now, tape it right on the page. You're doing great.
5. Use the word "heart" exactly 16 times.
6. Rhyme the word "love" with "gift from above".
7. If you use the word "kinky" ever, it's probably not the right kind of love poem.
8. Spritz it with your headiest perfume.
9. Vow to never let anyone read it, ever, never ever.
10. Send it to your lover.

Happy St. Elmo's Fire.
-Avery Jalaine

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

why i haven't blogged in 29 days

A poem named, "Why I Haven't Blogged in 29 Days". Or, "It Isn't Because I Don't Love You Anymore".

(this isn't really a poem. more like an apology.)

It's because nothing is ever good enough for you anymore. 

And you're too hard to satisfy. You're always hungry, even after the bread and the tea, and I've set out the pasta salad and the tuna fish and the brie, and I've refilled your bowl and I've re-refilled your bowl, and I'm rummaging through the cabinets as we speak. Still hungry, even after the meat. 

What's good enough for you?

What's good enough for you?

What can I say to you (what can I feed you?) that will finally fill you up? I'm not bitter, I'm just poor. I'm not angry, I'm just running out of hors d'oeuvres. The shelves are high, but I've stocked them with canned beets.

Is that what you're hungry for? Beets?

Here's one for you: I can't sleep.

Here's another one: I doubt that you can either.

There's some peanut butter in the fridge if you're still hungry. Help yourself.

Help yourself.

Weak ankles.
-Avery Jalaine