Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Roah (Or, How Addy Convinced Yet Another Boy That I Am Obsessed With Him)

Oh! Hello. I have a story for you.

Does everyone remember when I used to think it was immensely funny to tag a certain boy named Roah in every single one of my posts, in various ways? If not, check out all the tags in my sidebar, I'm sure you'll find all the evidence you need there in the "R" category.

I started doing it (in this post) because of this one time when Addy tagged him among a bunch of blatantly girly things like "lipstick" and "cake", and I was like "irony!", so I tagged him and then it sort of became a habit. And no big deal because it's not like Roah was ever going to read my blog, right? (wrong)

Then Addy told me a "funny" story last weekend about how Roah had come over to her house and she suddenly thought that it was an excellent time to show him all of the tags on my blog. Dear old Addy.

At first I thought: "No big deal. She told him the story and it's fine." Then I went to my tags list to review what I'd said, and I realized that I'm totally creepy.

Roah's Probable Interpretations of the Tags:

What I said: "Roah got in a car wreck today."
Roah translation: "Avery stalks me."
Reality: We were at Cafe Rio at the same time and I witnessed the fender-bender. I drove away planning how I'd tag it, thinking that I was very clever.

What I said: "RoahRoahRoah."
Roah translation: "Avery is obsessed with me."
Reality: I was running out of ways to use "roah" as a tag.

What I said: "Roah my main man." or also: "Roah bff?"
Roah translation: "Avery is delusional and thinks we're friends and will probably come to my house at night and kill my family."
Reality: I find it unendingly funny to pretend to be best friends with people who I don't speak to. Obviously this is a personality trait that is prone to backfiring and I should seek other normal things to find humor in, that don't involve fabricating relationships with strange boys at high school.

What I said: "Roah (he's been wearing this hot black coat lately fyi)."
Roah translation: "Avery is obviously very much in love with me."
Reality: So it was a nice coat!

And that should clear everything up, right? Swell.

And lastly, a letter to the real Roah that he won't receive, just to make myself feel better.

Dear Roah,
Do not distress. I am not obsessed with you. You wear nice looking coats sometimes. Addy is to blame for everything.
p.s. you have girl feet. kthxbai.

Must I sleep?
-Avery Jalaine


  1. Avery. This is why we are best friends. I loved this post more than anything in the whole entire world. I am glad we are friends.

  2. Your life is very much like a YA novel.

  3. Yeah but without a perfect boyfriend, dangit.


Oh thanks. You're pretty.