(song of the day: The Sun by Portugal. The Man. I just added it to my playlist, so you don't even have to stress out about Googling it.)
I am a hypochondriac.
Hypochondria: noun. Abnormal anxiety centered around imaginary physical ailments.)
I spend most of my life convinced that I'm about to drop dead, and when I'm not on my death bed, I'm thinking about the next threat of illness, putting hand sanitizer all over myself. But it's not usually little things like, "I bet I have a cold". It's always those really bizarre diseases you see on Medical Mysteries, where you cry blood or have an unborn twin inside of you or something.
Mostly everything makes me believe I have cancer.
- Stomach ache: colon cancer
- Headache: brain tumor
- Earache: brain tumor
- Do you hear that ringing sound?: brain tumor
- Growing pains: leukemia
- Cough: lung cancer
- Examine freckles; they're deformed!: skin cancer
- Arm itches: skin cancer
- Feeling fatigued: most forms of cancer, plus Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
- Have to pee: bladder cancer
And that's the story of how I jinxed myself into dying of cancer. G'night. Sleep well.
Tell. Don't tell.