Sunday, January 16, 2011

your average everyday femme fatale: me

I think I'd be a very good candidate for the protagonist of some obscure YA novel, a first novel maybe, in which the main character (me) is still somewhat of a cliché. You see, to be a class-A femme-protagonist, you don't actually need to be wildly popular or exciting or even be some sort of stereotype, like your (you, the protagonist) friends are supposed to be.

In fact, it's the opposite. To make it in the fictional character industry, you've got to be something of an oddball, and generally pretty uninteresting in the eyes of your peers (because this is YA fiction, so of course you're still in high school).

Here are some of the usual requirements:

1. Be blatantly bookish, and not that fake kind where it's like, "I like to read!!!" The kind where it's like, "I wish I had a life but I can't because I'd rather read this book, ehh..."

2. Be fairly cynical, and keep a constant monologue of judgmental observations going through your head as you wander about your day. You never voice any of them out loud.

3. Worry way too much about your life and also about the people in your life.

4. Be obsessive about things that shouldn't matter, but do.

5. Have strange habits or mannerisms that don't make that much sense, but can turn out to be a little bit endearing in the end.

6. Think in a way that other people don't, but that---when you're reading it on paper---sounds downright ridiculous, and you feel the need to speak to the book: "No one would ever do that, actually."

7. Love things that are too grand for yourself.

8. Have little to no social life. Or, have a circle of friends that have social lives, but yours and theirs never exactly mesh.

9. Do embarrassing things regularly, proving what an awkward person you are.

10. Make the wrong decisions all the time.

11. Be shy and silent when you're out in the world.

If you don't personally know me, then let me tell you now: this is incredibly me-ish.

But wait.
The thing is, the heroine in a book also always has very redeeming qualities and a devastatingly love interest and a normal life that is suddenly---BAM!---packed with drama.

So, yeah, I'm cynical and I'm bookish and quiet and I do embarrassing things all day long, but I am also not heroine-material because I'm not exactly brave and not exactly revolutionary. There is no heart-splitting romance, especially not the eternal kind from young adult books where you're like, "Oh, they're only 14 but it's so obvious that they'll be together forever!" I do have a normal life and unless it takes a shocking turn in the near future, it's almost painfully drama-free.

My point is, if something did happen: nuclear warfare or my innocent unearthing of a vampire coven in American Fork... I'd so be your girl. I can choose the wrong decision for the wrong reasons with the best of 'em (Bella, being the YA teen queen supreme that I aspire to be... just kidding.)

And like, yeah sure, I'm into having some totally-out-of-her-league boyfriend/true-love-at-age-sixteen that's really sullen and intense gorgeous and oh! turns out he's a genius and a cello prodigy and also a ninja. I'm like, "It's fine."

I care. I really, honestly do.
-Avery Jalaine


  1. A ninja? That was so YA heroine of you.
    Speaking of heroine, I propose we invent a new word for a female hero that sounds less like a certain illegal substance. Tamora Pierce tried "shero", she + hero, but I thinks it's a bit cheesy.
    Okay, I just shot over to to try and find a cool synonym for "hero" (paragon? chimera?)but I got distracted by this: Top 10 User Submitted Words, Vol 5. Favorite word: gaslight.

  2. We have the same name and that makes me smile because I rarely find other Avery's. I also greatly enjoy your blog, tis interesting and unique and well written and just plain lovely.

  3. You are my best friend.


Oh thanks. You're pretty.