Thursday, January 20, 2011

6 Fool-Proof Strategies for Sneaky Judgments of Strangers, Your Friends, & Other Humans.


my highly hypothetical and inaccurate guide to passing judgment and stealthily determining the inner psyche of people who you can not just bluntly ask personal questions to*:

6 Fool-Proof Strategies for Sneaky Judgments of Strangers, Your Friends, and Other Humans.

1. Examine their bedroom. Take note of: colors, style, personalization, maturity, atmosphere, cleanliness, sparseness/abundance of decorating, and the little details -- like a 1960's Alice in Wonderland knickknack -- that otherwise are overlooked.

Explains a bit of: the things they really love, the way they think (left- or right-brained), their personality, their habits.

Stalk them in Barnes & Noble. Take note of: what genre/section you found them in, what books they're looking at or buying.

Explains a bit of: their intellect, likes/dislikes.

Get to know their friends. Take note of: how they are alike, why they hang around with them, how their friends act, what they do in their spare time.

Explains a bit of: who they are when you're not around, their values, their personality.

**Also note: be careful with this one because you actually have to know the friends, not just do a fastie-assessment, because without knowing how the friends really are then your data is all screwed up and the experiment is pointless.

4. Examine their grammar/spelling skills when they text/type. Take note of: any form of grammar idocy, text-speak, getting raped-by-commas, any sort of "lol", etc.

Explains a bit of: their intellect, whether or not you should hate them due to the word "l8r".

5. Find out their taste in music. (This one is obvious, but sort of vital.) Take note of: really really good music or really really bad music (er, rap), stereotyped "radio" music, all fast/all slow, warning genres (eh, emo), music you've never heard of.

Explains a bit of: their intellect (so true), their personality, how they think, their depth, their ability to identify the difference between good vs evil.

Stare at their shoes. Take note of: what sort of shoe-person they are. There are lots of different species of shoe-people: sneaker-people, stilettos-at-school-people, clogs-people, moccasins-people (debate: are moccasins-people limited to Native Americans?), etc. Lots can be said about a person who wears duct-tape shoes. (Johna?)

Explains a bit of: their personal style, their self-confidence, what ethnicity they wish they were (heh heh).

*as stated before, I'd just like to reinforce that this is unproven data and I don't advise you to base every single one of your relationships on it. huzzah.

Testimonial From the Staff
: (that's me)
"Once, I loved a sophomore because he was very very pretty and very very blond and tilted his head back when he talked so that his bangs wouldn't get in his eyes, but then I started to feel uneasy after I discovered that he had a taste for rap music and the term "ha ha" and this :) and also it appeared that he'd never set foot in his English class on account of his blatant disregard for any sort of capitalization, punctuation, spelling, or language fundamentals we learned in the fourth grade. So I used Steps 4 and 5 and deciphered that, oh yes, he's as dumb as mud, and upon further investigation the phrase "dumb as mud" not only proved to be accurate, but also (unfortunately), quite kind. Poor guy."

-Avery Jalaine Taylor

And there you have it. Use it at your own discretion.

Risk everything.
-Avery Jalaine


  1. This is pretty good advice for social recon, especially the bit about stalking the subject through B&N. If I have the chance to try it out, I'll let you know how it goes.

    As for the moccasin debate: I wear mocasins. I got them at American Eagle*. I'm only 1/8th Native American**, but that hardly matters/counts for anything, so I vote No.
    Further more, I also wear clogs (or are they mules...?) with a five-ince heal, so in my opinion clog (or mule) people and moccasin people are the same people.

    *Wonder what that tells you about me... That I'm a shallow mall shopper? Not at all. That AE is the only place to get affordable moccasins? True. That I have fallen arches? Highly likely.

    **Cherokee, I've been told, although I've also been told Chickasaw. My dad and my aunt can't get it straight, but the great-great-grandma we get it from was named Donnie, pronounced like "dough" and "knee", so maybe that will help explain it if I ever feel like joining the tribe.

    l8r, grly, I g2g & do sum wrk nw. XD DFTBA!!! ^^ (I apologize, but I simply couldn't resist.)

  2. Absolutely the best thing I have ever read in all of life. I miss you. Let's play cause I'm finally back.


Oh thanks. You're pretty.