Thursday, December 9, 2010

a round of applause





Because I was a child without any sort of the regular talents that most children had --- hand-eye coordination or an endearing lisp or athleticism or social skills --- I had to come up with my own set of accomplishments so that I could be at least a little bit proud of myself. Here are some of my gifts:
  • Patheticness, in general. I find great achievement in wearing the lamest sweaters, saying "hi.." in a small voice, liking camels and seahorses and llamas and reindeer, and looking at people with what is hopefully a heartbroken expression.
  • Being awkward. Actually I do try to not be awkward most of the time, but since that's proven impossible, I might as well thrive on saying the wrong thing and staring at people and trying not to laugh and then failing at that.
  • Having good taste in music, because honestly, most people are like "I listen to the radio" but the only music on the radio is Jason Derulo, so I don't trust anyone who tries to tell me that they love the radio and still have good taste in music. Let me ramble some more. Not really.
  • Having very very pale skin and very very long hair. My skin used to cause me daily torment, but then Twilight made it big and now all the vampire fangirls wish they were me. My hair is long, and that's all.
  • Having a vocabulary that is marginally larger than most teenagers'. When I was little, I was a big hit with all the teachers. Also, I can usually win arguments with dumb people, so that's nice.
  • Being famous for being a Cheetah Girl in elementary/jr. high school. All my clothes were cheetah and some of them still are. I never understood why I was persecuted for wearing animal print so much. If you'd like an impromptu Cheetah Girls sing-a-long that'd be fine, I'm always prepared.
  • Double-Dutching, like with two jump ropes, this talent also includes Bri, Spot, Katie, and a little bit of Cara Olsen. One time we brought our ropes to EFY and our popularity instantly doubled. It almost made up for the whole Cheetah Girls thing.
  • Writing things in a way that's either at least a little bit amusing or lyrical. So, English teachers usually like me or something. Also, geeks. And apparently someone called pb&j because they're following me and I'm proud of it.
Ta-da.
-Avery Jalaine

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Oh thanks. You're pretty.