Monday, December 13, 2010

the center of the universe




Do you ever feel like the center of the universe?


Like maybe everything, everyone, every single little detail and word and spec of dust, might be just for your benefit, might be designed just to lead you somewhere: to heaven, or wherever else?

Sometimes, I get scared that I am the only real person on this whole world, and everyone else is here just for me, but when I'm not around, they --- you --- stop existing. You are all just facets of my reality, the little bits that make me me, that shape my future and my decisions and my well-being.

Every face in a crowd that I scan by and forget instantly is meant to change my world; every touch of the breeze, every rumor, every website that I click by, every word on a billboard, every story of hope or hunger, every sound, every smell on Earth is meant for my eyes and my ears and my senses, but without me there to see it, to hear it sing, it is nothing; it isn't really there.

It's kind of like 'if a tree falls with no one to hear it, does it make a sound?' Are there really people that'll I'll never know somewhere in, oh, Sri Lanka that are having a conversation that I'll never hear or sleeping or waking up because I have no idea what time it is in Sri Lanka? Or is there really no one until they enter my life; is Sri Lanka empty except for its name?

I can't imagine six billion other people on Earth, thinking things that I don't think about, living and never touching my little existence. It's much too big. Maybe I'm the only teenage girl in the whole wide world.


I think about this sometimes.

And for some reason, it makes me lonely.


Please, tell me if you're there.






I lose sleep; give me your thoughts.



Every galaxy; every tiny star.
-Avery Jalaine




6 comments:

  1. Avery, you my friend, are positively a genius.

    Also, know that I am here and very much existing.
    Along with every other being who feels like they are the center of the universe as well. Between you and me, I think we all feel that way. We are all the center of our own universes?

    Sometimes I make sense but usually I don't.

    You are a rockstar.

    lovekaitlyn

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  2. You are, as said previously, positively a genius.

    Also said previously, I feel the same way. And I think about that every single day.

    I'm here. At least when I can distinguish between dreaming and real life.

    (not often)

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  3. Oh, my goodness! I thought I was the only person who's ever thought these thoughts. How can there be other people in the world when there seems to be only the ones we see everyday? How can other people have independent thoughts and feelings when we can't actually feel them or read them ourselves? It seems unfathomable. Sometimes, I think that I'm the only person really existing, and everyone else, even you, even Addy, everyone, is just a robot-type-ish thing that is alive only when I'm around them. How can 6.8 billion other people live with their own habits and actions and friends and relationships??
    It makes my brain hurt.
    P.S. I found your blog through Addy. I'm not a creeper completely.

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  4. I assure you I exist at all times. This morning I had a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast and played with my cat, who also exists all on her own. Then I worked on the lesson plan for this Sunday's Confirmation class, something you couldn't even have imagined. I made pasta with pancetta for dinner last night and watched 10 Things I Hate About You with my sisters. Then my family prayed the rosary together. So, again, I assure that I am not a robot programmed to leave overly lengthy comments on your blog and that I do indeed exist and have thoughts and a life completely separate from the few brief interactions we internet hounds have.
    I didn't used to think that I thought I was the center of the universe, but then I drove past a cemetary on Christmas Eve and there were people laying flowers on a grave. And I though, "Is she crying or is she huddled against the cold? Did that person die on Christmas Eve? Is the person beneath their feet the wife and mother of that sad trio?" all sorts of things that had nothing to do with me. I get flashes of that sort of fly-on-the-wall-in-someone-elses-life feeling when I see a person through a window doing something mundane like sitting down on a sofa, doing dishes, or singing in their car. I enjoy that brief feeling of connectivity, or maybe it's more like disconnectivity, that I get when I see those sorts of things. It makes me realize that God loves, not only me, but every single person on earth as if they were the only person to ever exist. Each and every one of us is irreplacable and unrepeatable in His eyes. Even the ones you can't imagine.
    And I think that trees do make a sound when no person is around to hear them. How else would the squirrels know to get out of the way?

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  5. First off let me say that i really, really, REALLY enjoyed reading your blog. This morning I was Googling this topic trying to find closure on the subject, and as i could not seem to find any helpful information(or theories) as to why we as humans have this self centered delusion of grandeur... I stumbled upon this perfectly applicable blog. It's human nature to have such thoughts as "the whole world revolves around me", but this feeling you described, which i share, seems to be so much more than that. Its annoying because every time i try to explain this feeling, it seems the explanation is as complex and hard to determine as the question itself. I'd love to read more of your thoughts on this, as i do not yet fully understand why we have these feelings we share.

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  6. was sitting on my bed was feeling like , oh my, iam the center of the Universe. then i wanted to know if anyone feels same, so i googled it, and found this Blog.I'am hapy iam not alone, i think each human is a universe of its own,i'am trying to live my life compitely relaxed, no hurry no worries.its all about me, this is my Universe.

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Oh thanks. You're pretty.