Tuesday, June 1, 2010

That's not a rabbit, that's a patagonian cavy.

Thought of the Day: "A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness." -Robert Frost

Song of the Day: Hannah by Freelance Whales

Memorial Day. In my opinion, a dumb holiday. My family troops up to the cemetery and we go hunting for headstones that are in a different spot every year so it takes us a thousand years to finally find them. (Grandma: "I think it's over here." *well it's not*) Plus I have to maneuver very carefully through all of the graves because there's always the chance that you'll step on someone's headstone and what if they happen to be a hibernating zombie and you just woke them up and offended them? Well, it's obvious that the zombie will speedy-quick reach his/her/its hand out of the ground just like at the end of Carrie and pull you down into its coffin/lair and eat your spleen/the rest of you. I'm very careful at the cemetery.

Yesterday, however, my family decided to go to the zoo. It was my idea because I wanted to see some seals urgently. (**spoiler: the seals weren't even there. @#^$%*&) Dylan decided that he felt "sick" and punked out so it was just my parents and me. It's okay because I didn't plan on seeing any cute boys at the zoo, unless they were about 7, plus I was wearing my 'Edward & Bella' twilight shirt, so even if I did see any fitties there, my attire would kill any interest in me.

The people at the zoo bother the heck out of me every time I go there. They're idiots and I hate them. Like, I'm not some sort of animal-stickler but when full grown men are charging around with their kids and staying things like "look at that cheetah" when it's obviously a tiger and they taught you that in first grade so how did you even graduate and you're ruining your child's life by filling his head with false doctrine, I get irritated and irrational and start saying things way too loudly about it being a "really freaking awesome TIGER!" and "oh goodness look at that TIGER's stripes!!!!" and then the dad and his misinformed little kid look at me like I'm the idiot and I'm all "maybe you should learn your animals before you go around spoiling the minds of the next generation, oh, and you'd fail at that one game show called Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? because you're not. Kthxbai." Also, one time we were looking at the lemurs' habitat (that's lee-mur) and this mom had some baby that was like "what is it?" but the kid was forgiven because she was like three, but then the mom was like "Oh, that's a luh-mure" like she knew what she was talking about. Then I was forced to go up to the glass and make my voice all obnoxious again and say "I just love me some leeeeeeeemurs!" And then they looked at me strangely and left but hopefully with a newfound knowledge of how to pronounce the word lemur. Was that a tangent?

Here's a short list of the animals I wanted to take home as pets after visiting the Hogle Zoo:
  • A golden lion tamarin
  • An ostrich
  • A penguin (but I wanted one of those before the zoo)
  • A red panda
  • A giraffe
  • A squirrel monkey
  • A black-footed cat
  • A kinkajou (even though he was asleep and I couldn't really see him, I could tell he was freaking amazing)
  • A sloth
  • A gila monster (who cares if they're deadly)
  • A porcupine (wanted one of those before the zoo, also)
  • A meerkat
  • A seal (even though they didn't have them at the @#!$% zoo!!! argh)
Apparently, the seals have been moved to some zoo in Oregon while the Hogle Zoo is building some kind of fancy new habitat for them and the polar bears and it'll be done by 2012 but that's too bad for us because the world will be over by then and we'll never get to see a seal. Tragic.

There were these one monkeys---the black-and-white Colobus---that looked human, like their expressions and movements, that it made me feel all weird and claustrophobic because I kept imagining myself in their little glass room. They were all really sad-looking, and my dad was like "oh they look like an old Protestant minister" and they kind of do...

And what made me really the most sad was that they don't have any thumbs and this is a total injustice because all the other primates have thumbs, it's like a requirement, but they don't and if you picture yourself without thumbs, maybe even try it out a little, you'll get very frustrated and depressed and you'll want your thumbs back and maybe even get so angry that you smash some things like small pottery or a CD, but it's okay because you can just randomly start using you thumbs again but that's the sad part: Colobus monkeys don't have any thumbs that they can use.

Anyway. I really like the zoo, but it also makes me feel all sad and sickish inside like I should suddenly go berserk and free all the animals like they always do on TV and maybe ride away on a giraffe or a seal if they actually had those. Well maybe next time.

I love that you're here.
-Avery Jalaine.

p.s. I hope it's not entirely too tacky to post twice in a single day because I'm bored today and that might happen...

1 comment:

  1. Please post more, Avery, please?? I love you. And I LOVE your blog. It's so you and I LOVE IT. I have a story to tell you but I probably shouldn't post it on the internet, but have no fear, cause I am coming home today!!! So we'll play. And then we'll go to Del Taco. Yay!! I guess I could post it online... But I won't.... Anyway. I love you. Text me and let's chat cause I have a pretty effing long drive ahead of me soon-ish.
    Stay pretty.


Oh thanks. You're pretty.